I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
