yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
