Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
