If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
