I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
