I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
