My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize