I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
