Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I believe in your delicious
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
