Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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