Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
