I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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