dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
