Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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