WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
