Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
