yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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