and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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