GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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