Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
