I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
