Well apparently he's into motor boating.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
