I am puke
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
