Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They took my balls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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