I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
