I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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