So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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