I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
