I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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