I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
