Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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