I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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