I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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