She said her name was "party"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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