It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
