worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There are leaves in my underwear?
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