i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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