need another drink. this is the easiest way
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
