A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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