Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
