I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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