I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
