am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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