I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
