If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
