I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
