Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
