Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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