You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
