I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We need a shit load of segways right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
