He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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