She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
