im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
