i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
