This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
