if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
