Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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