You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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