i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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