I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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