my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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