You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
