When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
