2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
