Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize