in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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