I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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