I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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