Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
