I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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