yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
