Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
