There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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