right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
