I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
