Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
