when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
