What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize