I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize