we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
