My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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