I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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