I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
