My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
