Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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