are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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