i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize