Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
