thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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