How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
