So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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