this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
