I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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