if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
