Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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