Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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