the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize