Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
