The maid of honor just puked.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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