I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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