When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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