She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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