Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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