Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
