Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
