Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
