this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
