why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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