Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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