My liver just broke up with me...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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