His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize