:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
