Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize