tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
