That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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