Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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