I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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