I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
