How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
